WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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