I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
