it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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