Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
