Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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