Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
