yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
