Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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