During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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