I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
