She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wear drunk well.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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