i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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