There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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