I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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