woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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