I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
