i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
