So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think my fart just growled at me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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