took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
