Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
