I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
