What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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