Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
