dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
