i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
