every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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