i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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