it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
