Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
