Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
