guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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