i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just invented taco cereal.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
