I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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