she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
