He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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