i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
