I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
