New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
