I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
