is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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