remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
