he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
