Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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