I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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