Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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