Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize