i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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