HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
