in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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