'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
