The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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