im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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