The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
