Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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