He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
