you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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