erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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