Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
