I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She bit a glass in half.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
